


What If, What If

by FalseRoar



Series: Can You Wake Up? [8]
Category: Who Killed Markiplier? (Web Series), markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Gen, Manipulation, Mark Fischbach Egos, Panic Attacks, Post-Who Killed Markiplier?, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-08-19 08:58:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20207119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FalseRoar/pseuds/FalseRoar
Summary: After his return to the ego house, Darkiplier has found that regaining his control and respect among the egos is more difficult than he expected. However, there is one person that, if he can sway them to his side, will make this so much easier. Which is why he's ready to do anything to change your opinion of him, even if it means putting up with the anxiety-ridden mess that is Eric Derekson.(This is a sort-of prequel, leading into the next part of the series, Anniversaries.)





	What If, What If

Dark readjusted the lapels of his jacket and ran a hand through his hair before he took a deep breath that he didn’t need. The plan was so simple, and he had gone over it so many times, although some part of him recognized that might be the issue here. Normally he knew exactly what to do, what to say, how to be completely in control of the situation, but now all he could see were all the ways this could go wrong and set him back once again.

But he was ready. All he had to do was just make the first move, and everything would fall back into place like it always did.

Any minute now.

Dark rocked back and forth on his feet and felt his aura like a haze of static around him, discoloring the air in frantic bursts of red and blue.

It was just a couple of steps to the infirmary door, that’s all. He had seen you walk through them so many times over the past few weeks. Maybe he should have stopped you before you walked in a few minutes ago.

No, no, this was the plan. There was no hope in getting you to talk to him alone, and this had gone on for long enough.

He took another breath. The only egos that were regularly in the infirmary were Dr. Iplier, one of the Google units helping the doctor, and the Host when he needed the bandages around his eyes changed, and right now the Host was up in his recording room, all attention focused on his work. That just left the doctor and a Google, and he knew exactly how to handle them. Or he used to.

Maybe he should wait out here and just “happen” to bump into you on your way out. That could work.

A crash and clatter of metal hitting the ground came from inside the infirmary and Dark pushed his way through the door without a second thought.

“What was that?” he asked, aware of the ringing and noise that accompanied his aura as it spread out, ready for a single thought from him to tear into or envelope the threat.

An ego he hadn’t expected looked up from his seat on one of the beds and stammered, “I, I, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I just, uh, oh no…”

“It’s okay, Eric,” you said from where you were kneeling by his bed, gathering up the metal tray and instruments scattered across the floor. “It was just an accident.”

Dark looked around the room and took in Dr. Iplier and Google, both of them standing on the other side of the room and looking just as braced to act as him, but their eyes were focused on Dark. Slowly, he allowed his aura to recede into a haze around him and said, “My apologies. The noise…startled me.”

“Well, everything is fine here, so you can go now,” Dr. Iplier said, not even bothering to hide the malice from his tone. Beside him, the ‘G’ on the android’s chest was glowing as it was no doubt contacting the other units in case it needed backup.

A year ago, the doctor would have cringed at the sight of Dark, but now he was shooing him out. As for Google, he would have jumped at his command instead of looked at him with nothing but contempt. Dark was well aware that his continuing presence in the house could best be described as…tolerated, something he planned to remedy in due time. But first, he needed to take care of the bigger problem: you.

And he saw the way to start cringing on the infirmary bed beside you.

“You must be one of the new egos,” Dark said, stepping closer and offering his hand. “My name is Darkiplier. A…pleasure to meet you.”

“I-I’m Eric Derekson,” he said as he shook Dark’s hand. Well, it wasn’t so much a shake as a tremble before the ego quickly pulled his hand back and used the other to mop his face with a bright yellow handkerchief. He wore a flowered button-up shirt that really didn’t fit him well, and a pair of khaki pants that had been rolled up to expose where his legs stopped short. And, of course, he looked like Mark, because there just weren’t enough identical faces around here. “I, uh, was told not to talk to you.”

“That’s fair,” Dark said as he bent over and helped you pick up the last of the metal instruments. For a brief second, he thought you might make eye contact with him, but then you stood and put the tray away on a nearby table before turning your full attention to the new ego.

“How are you feeling today?” you asked, as if Dark wasn’t even in the room.

“I, uh, I don’t know…” Eric said weakly and whimpered when he realized everyone in the room was looking at him. “I just, I don’t, I don’t want to be a burden.”

As if taking a cue from you to ignore Dark’s presence, Dr. Iplier walked over with two leg prosthetics in hand and said, “I’d hardly call this a burden. You should see what some of the other egos come in here with.”

Together you and the doctor helped brace the ego as he stood and tested his weight on the prosthetics.

“Feel better than the last pair?” Dr. Iplier asked, and Eric nodded and smiled before quickly looking away as if overwhelmed by that brief moment of eye contact. “Well, let’s try a few laps around the infirmary, at least.”

His first few steps were halting and hesitating and he had to lean heavily on the doctor for support, but even just watching them go around the room you could see how quickly Eric adjusted to the feel of the new prosthetics. While you watched them, Dark watched you, a smile forming as an idea clicked into place.

“Very good, Eric,” Dr. Iplier said as they neared Eric’s bed again. The ego no longer leaned on him for support, but at the doctor’s words he silently shook his head and looked down, his handkerchief knotting and unknotting in his hands. “I want you to keep moving, okay? You can keep doing circuits around the room if you want—”

“Or, you could walk around the house,” Dark said. “Maybe even get some fresh air, if the good doctor will allow it.”

“I, uh, around the house?” Eric, asked, his voice rising on the last word as he looked to you and the doctor for help.

Dr. Iplier was busy giving Dark a glare, but you said, “I can show you around if you want, Eric. This is your home now, after all.”

Dark met Dr. Iplier’s glare with a smirk as he added, “And it’s never too late for a tour.”

Even though the ego must have been here for a month at least, if he arrived at the same time as the other one. If he had been holed up in here for that long, it was no wonder you were so ready to jump in on Dark’s suggestion.

Judging by the way your face fell when Eric shook his head, eyes clenched shut, this wasn’t the first time you had tried to get the ego to venture out. But it was the first time Dark was here and ready to do anything to get some time with you, even if it meant dealing with this pathetic mess of an ego.

“Of course, it’s your choice, Eric,” Dark said, throwing an arm around Eric’s shoulders. He felt the ego tremble beneath his touch and saw out of the corner of his eye how you and the other two egos immediately tensed. “But have you even seen your own room?”

“M-my my room?” Eric asked. “I have my own room?”

“You have yet to designate one as your own,” Google pointed out.

“No time like the present,” Dark said, releasing Eric so that he could hold out a hand to the ego. “What do you say?”

Eric hesitated, and like Dark glanced at you out of the corner of his eye before saying, “Well, okay.”

At the same time, you said, “Dark, don’t you dare—”

The two of you moved in unison, Eric taking Dark’s hand just as you grabbed his shoulder. Eric’s eyes widened as Dark’s grip tightened while you flinched at his other hand finding your own, and you both cried out in unison as Dark’s aura surrounded you.

“Easy, easy,” Dark said, immediately letting go of both of you and stepping back, his hands raised as if in defense. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

It was his turn to flinch when you hit him and shouted, “What do you think you’re doing?!”

Dark shrugged and exaggerated a wince as he touched his shoulder where you hit him, even though he barely felt it. “Starting the tour, of course.”

You looked around as if realizing you were no longer in the infirmary for the first time, but Eric had already been gazing around, taking in the long hallway full of doors. Many of them were decorated in some way, such as signs or stickers, or in the case of one door in particular, bright pink paint that could daze anyone who looked directly at it.

“These are all bedrooms?” Eric asked. “There are this many people here?”

He took it all in and started to knot and unknot his handkerchief again, breathing a little faster.

“Not all of them are taken,” you said, your full attention going to the ego as your tone immediately changed. “And the other people here are all egos like you, like Dr. Iplier and Google, more or less.”

“And not all of these rooms are bedrooms,” Dark added. “For example, that room over there is my office.”

“Luckily, all of the other rooms have better lighting and don’t smell like mothballs and smoke,” you said.

_“Excuse me?”_

“This room between the Googles and Bim is empty, and there are some more down the hall if you don’t like that one,” you said, ignoring Dark as you opened the door in question to show it to Eric.

“Why…why is there a dog on the wall?” Eric asked, pointing at the poster pinned to one of the walls.

“Oh, that’s Chica, Mark’s dog. Um, sometimes stuff just kind of…shows up around here, I don’t really know why,” you admitted and glanced at Dark, who shrugged.

“I could go into the many problems involved in housing so many semi-real, basically human-shaped tulpas in one place, but I doubt either of you would care,” Dark said. “Short story is, things get weird around here.”

You looked as though you were about to ask a question, but then that sniveling ego had to go and distract you by sniffing loudly.

“Eric? What’s wrong?” you asked, and Dark struggled not to show his frustration, especially when the ego murmured something inaudible over his weak gasping. “If it’s the poster, we can just take it down.”

“No! No, I want to keep it, if that’s okay,” Eric said, wiping his face with the handkerchief. “I just…never had my own room, growing up with so many brothers, I mean, not until they all…you know…”

“Oh,” you said. “_Oh._ Is having your own room, is that a bad thing?”

“I don’t know,” Eric admitted. He took a deep breath and walked into the room, slowly taking in the four walls and bed before opening the closet and chuckling, the sound somewhere between a weak laugh and a sob when he saw the clothes already hanging up in it. “These…these are _my_ clothes.”

Dark watched as you smiled. You were so invested in this new ego, but why? He was so…_pathetic_, on every level. Dark couldn’t even imagine what was going through Mark’s mind when he created the character, much less what his fans could have seen in him to make him a reality. Did you just feel sorry for him?

It was almost a shame, then, that Dark could see no way that this ego would last long the way he currently was. But you would have to learn how it worked eventually, and Dark could see some possibilities when you found yourself alone, disappointed, vulnerable.

He considered this while you chatted with Eric, following at a distance as you showed the ego your own room.

“Are you an ego too?” Eric asked and you laughed.

“No, I’m…um…I guess you could call me an old friend of Mark’s,” you said, and Dark was barely able to reign his aura in before the other two noticed it.

_An old friend of Mark’s._

“Oh, come on, Y/N, don’t sell yourself short,” Dark said, putting a hand on your shoulder. “You know you’re so much more than that.”

Without even looking, you slapped his hand away and asked the puzzled Eric, “Why don’t we keep the tour going? There’s more rooms on the next floor up: there’s a conference room, a library, sometimes a pool, a recording studio—”

Where the Host would be, Dark remembered, and he jumped in, “Or, we can go downstairs and meet some of the others. I’m sure they would be very interested in you.”

Perhaps a poor choice of words, Dark realized too late as he saw the panic cross the ego’s eyes, but you nodded and said, “Yeah, there might be a couple of people around. I know most of the egos are out right now, but maybe we can find someone.”

“If-if you say so,” Eric said, looking at you as he did. Dark recognized trust when he saw it and knew that Eric would probably go along with whatever you said, so long as it didn’t push too far.

That too far turned out to be the moment the three of you entered the living room and found four egos standing or sitting on the couches around the room, talking in the only volume any of these people knew, which was loud. One ego standing in the corner, which looked identical to the other Google unit in the infirmary except for its red rather than green shirt, narrowed his eyes at the sight of them as the ‘G’ on his shirt began to glow. Dark had a spark of pleasure imagining the doctor and the androids looking for the three of you, but Eric immediately paled at the sight of the other egos following Google’s lead and turning to look.

“Well, I’ll be, you must be the other one we’ve been hearing so much about!” Ed Edgar said, and Eric cringed at the sound of his voice. He stood, tipping his cowboy hat toward you before continuing, “We thought we’d have to hogtie and drag you out of that sick room if we ever wanted to see you.”

“Look at you! Now that’s one handsome devil if I do say so myself, if you know what I mean,” another ego said as he jumped up to his feet and almost lost his yellow hard hat in the process. “I’m Randal Voorhees, no relation to that other guy, but youse and me might as well be brothers, am I right?”

“Two egos at once doesn’t happen very often, that’s for sure,” a suited ego added as he adjusted his tie. “I’m Bim Trimmer. Game shows are more my thing, but you’re more of an advertising guy like Ed and Randal, right? Don’t worry, we’ll get you in front of a camera in no time, just say the word and—”

He stopped short and the other two egos also stopped trying to talk over him as Eric let out a strangled cry and backed away before turning and running. You barely took a second to take in what just happened before you followed and Dark swore.

“What’s wrong with that one?” Ed asked and immediately looked at Dark. “You didn’t say nothin’ to him, did ya?”

Dark just gave him a look before turning to follow you, but he stopped to growl a warning when he felt the pressure on his arm. “Either remove your hand or I will remove it for you, robot.”

“We had an agreement, Darkiplier. You are not to be with Y/N unsupervised. You are not to use your powers in the house or around any of the egos or Y/N. You are not to—”

“Oh, print out a list for me later,” Dark said, reaching around and twisting the android’s fingers until he felt the snap followed by a brief sizzle of electricity. He used his aura just outside of the doorway to put some more distance between himself and the egos before he began his search. It helped that apparently neither of you thought to shut the back door behind you, and once he was outside it was fairly easy to follow the loud, choking sobs and blubbering to one of the benches in the garden.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” you said gently. “Just focus on breathing, okay? It’s going to be okay.”

Dark stood at a distance and watched as you coached the young ego until he finally calmed down to the point his scattered mumblings became actual words.

“…screwed it up…”

“What? You didn’t screw anything up,” you said. “Look, the other guys can be kind of overwhelming, especially at first.”

“They…I didn’t—I didn’t expect them to be like—like my…” he sniffed loudly and mopped his face with his handkerchief, which had no right not to be sopping wet by now.

“Like your dad?” you asked and he nodded. “Oh…I’m sorry, Eric. I don’t…”

You looked up at Dark and he could see the question.

“Not every character Mark plays becomes an ego. For whatever reason, some catch the fans’ attention, others don’t, and their attention is what gives your kind life, more or less. It’s not always immediate, and there’s a chance an ego can appear later, for various reasons.” Dark studied Eric for a moment before adding, “But that’s not what you wanted to hear, is it?”

“What do you mean?” you asked, but Dark saw the way Eric’s eyes widened behind that ridiculous yellow handkerchief.

Dark paused, considering what to say, and in the relative silence all three of you could hear the music as your phone started to ring in your pocket. You moved one hand and silenced it without looking at the screen, but just as you moved to say something to Eric it began to ring again.

“Why don’t you take that?” Dark suggested, putting just the slightest push behind the words. “Let me and Derekson have a little time to talk in private.”

You hesitated, but there was enough power behind the words to make you suggestible without you noticing enough to shake it off, and the phone started to ring for a third time.

“Fine,” you said, hitting the answer button even as you added to Eric, “Just shout if you need anything, okay? I’ll be just over there.”

You walked away, phone to your ear, and Dark’s eyes followed you for a second longer than necessary before he turned his attention to the ego.

“Was it a relief, when you realized he wasn’t here?” Dark asked. Eric’s eyes were on the ground, tears still forming as he kept the handkerchief pressed firmly against his mouth. “And how long did it take you to feel guilty for it?”

“What’s wrong with me? How can I—he’s my dad, he’s all I had left, but—” A muffled moan came from Eric and he asked, “How did you know?”

“People don’t react like that when they meet someone who reminds them of a good person,” Dark said, his eyes flickering toward you as you stood just out of earshot, phone clasped to your ear. Who were you talking to? What was so important that someone would try so hard to reach you? “That wasn’t sadness or missing someone, that was fear, anxiety, panic. Trust me, I can tell the difference.”

Eric followed your gaze and sighed. “They’re going to hate me when they find out.”

“Y/N? Considering the kind of people they hang out with on a regular basis, it would take something extremely questionable to even tip the scales anymore. More than mixed feelings for a known abuser, that’s for certain.”

“Them. The fans. Everyone. I…I shouldn’t be here, no-no-no one would really…If they really knew me, they wouldn’t want me around. Look at me, I’m a mess! I don’t even know why Y/N or Dr. Iplier bother…It’s just a matter of time before the fans f-forget about me and I disappear.”

“See, if you’d spent time around the egos you’d already know this: they’re all a mess in their own, screwed up way. It’s almost like they’re all human, if you squint hard enough. And stretch the definition of human. The point is, they’re still around, because for whatever reason the fans see something in them that they connect with, either because they’re funny or someone they love to hate or they see themselves in—”

Dark stopped short and looked from Eric to you, eyes narrowing as a suspicion formed.

“But—but what if…what if something goes wrong?” Eric asked. “Something _always_ goes wrong with me, I, I, I lose everyone and everything I care about, I can’t do anything right, I—”

“Oh, just shut up already,” Dark said. “Who cares if something bad might happen? Better than crying and holding yourself in a room all by yourself because you’re too afraid to even try, much less give anyone else a chance to get to know you.”

Dark smirked to himself as his aura took on more of a red cast and added, “What’s the fun in a choice if you can’t make a wrong one every now and then?”

Without waiting for an answer, he stood and walked away. He had wasted enough time on a useless ego that couldn’t even be bothered to help itself.

Alone, Eric sniffled and wiped at his face with his handkerchief, not that it did any good.

“What’s wrong with me?” he whispered out loud, and startled when he heard a sound near the ground as if in reply.

A squirrel, sitting unnoticed up until then on one of his prosthetics, met his eyes for a moment before running toward the nearby tree line. It stopped and turned to look at him, as if waiting for him to do something.

Eric bit his lip and stared at the squirrel. He did like animals, but what if—

Dark’s words came back to him and he swallowed before slowly standing up. After all, how could anything worse happen to him at this point?

Dark walked up to you just as you said goodbye and ended the call. He swore internally when he failed to see a name or number before you put the phone back in your pocket, but noted the smile you couldn’t quite hide until you spotted him.

“What was that about?” he asked, deciding to just cut to the chase.

“Just something to think about,” you said, completely failing to answer his question. You looked around and asked, “Where’s Eric? You didn’t say anything to upset him, did you?”

Dark shrugged. He was tired of this nonsense, of pretending to care, and so he just said, “I think upset is his default state. Why are you even trying to make him happy, when he’s so determined to stay miserable?”

“Because I know what it’s like to just be dropped into a new place, in a situation you don’t understand with a bunch of people you don’t know,” you said. “I know how hard that can be. Didn’t the other egos have a hard time at first too?”

“…Maybe. I rarely dealt with them until it became clear they were going to be staying around,” Dark answered. He looked at you and tried not to think of holding your broken body after your own arrival to the house. “Look, Y/N, new egos aren’t…stable. There’s always the chance that they’ll just disappear. If you put too much time and energy into the wrong one, you’re just going to get hurt.”

You didn’t even bother to answer. You just gave Dark a look, and it wasn’t one he was used to receiving, not from you. It was a look of such total and utter disappointment. And then you walked past him without a word as if he wasn’t even there, on your way back to where he had left Eric.

There was no sign of the ego there, but that wasn’t what bothered Dark. Even as the two of you heard a rustle beyond the bushes and followed the sounds of low voices into the trees, he could only wonder what it would take to ever get you to trust him.

You both stopped short when you finally spotted them: Eric, sitting on the ground, actually, really smiling, as an ego with a crown, a robe, and beard made of almond butter encouraged him to pet one of the squirrels that surrounded them in borderline worrying numbers.

As Eric gently stroked the small animal’s head, Dark saw your own smile spread across your face and put an arm around your shoulders. “Then again, it looks like he can figure things out on his own.”

Eric and the other ego looked around at the sound of Dark’s grunt when your elbow met his stomach and, beaming, he said, “Oh! Hi, um, I met this, um, did you know he’s the King of the Squirrels?”

You tried not to laugh as you answered, “Yeah, I might have heard about that once or twice before.”

Dark stood back and watched as you talked to the two of them. Before long, Google and some of the other egos would find you all out here, and Eric would slowly, cautiously get to know them as well, but until that happened, Dark had enough time to consider the three of you. Maybe you were right, maybe some of the new egos needed that extra attention.

Just, maybe not in the way you expected. After all, if Derek Derekson ever did show his face around here, he would need to have a very different kind of welcoming committee. And Dark would be more than happy to see to it personally.


End file.
